Co-Sleeping: Yay or nay?

I posted a very interesting article on my Homesteading Gypsies Facebook page on Co-sleeping with your newborn a while back that seemed to get a lot of interest, judging by how many times the post has been viewed. So I thought I would go into the topic a little more and share my own experiences, for those of you who are struggling with the decision of whether or not it's a good idea to invite your little bundle into the family bed.
 

Personally, I don't have a problem admitting that both of my children shared the family bed for the first 8-10 months of their little lives and I don't regret it. Even though I am currently trying to get Mia to sleep in her own room, in her own crib, and it's not working out so well. More about that later. There are always those who will shake their head at you, look at you with disappointment and disbelief and consider that you are being irresponsible and that your sleeping arrangements are dangerous. They will make you feel like you're the worst mother in the world. Don't let it faze you and don't change your mind about having your baby co-sleep with you, simply because somebody else is telling you that it's not right and is endangering your child. If it feels right to you, you should stick with it and that statement is pretty much true for anything in life.

My own mother, whom I loved dearly and whose input I always valued and respected, told me numerous times not to have my children sleep in the same bed with us. Not because she thought I was endangering my child, but because she believed I was going to have a heck of a time trying to get them out of the family bed and into their own and she was right. BUT!!! Even though I'm currently going through this with my daughter and haven't gotten much sleep lately due to her constant waking and screaming, you simply cannot avoid this terribly exhausting time altogether. They are going to keep you up for weeks on end whether they do it right after they were born or at a later time. Personally, I'd much rather go through this now that my son is sleeping through the night, and I have gotten used to juggling and taking care of two tiny human beings. 

Back when Mia was born, I tried putting her in her own crib for the first couple of nights and she was not a happy camper. Noah hadn't been sleeping through the night yet and was up at least once himself. I was stressed out, physically still hurting from the delivery and exhausted just thinking about having to take care of two young children. It was a way more stressful time for me than it is now, not to mention that I got to enjoy having my baby girl close and I got to enjoy her cuddles for the first 10 months of her life. It simply felt right to me. Everyone got a deeper sleep and I was able to function a lot better the next day, which was a win-win for everybody involved. It is a lot easier to feed your child without having to get out of bed every couple of hours for those midnight feedings, especially if you're nursing. I truly believe that a baby needs to be close to his or her mother as much as possible during those first few months.

Of course you have to use your common sense and make sure your baby is safe at all times. I removed all the pillows from our bed to make absolutely certain there was nothing around that I could accidentally smother them with. I also have my bed pushed right up against the bedroom wall (and no there is not an inch of space between the bed and the wall that the baby could get stuck in) and had my children sleeping on the wall side of the bed to ensure they wouldn't fall out in the middle of the night. I have had a baby in the family bed for a total of 18 months, and never once have I woken up lying on my child or in any other kind of dangerous situation. I am a very light sleeper and wake up the second there's something out of the ordinary. Of course, I have been puked on more than once, slapped, scratched and kicked and was rudely awakened by one of my children screaming bloody murder only inches away from my ear. But I could also listen to my baby's heartbeat and breathing, make sure they're OK, nursed them without having my precious beauty sleep interrupted and woke up more rested and a lot happier each morning.

 

Just recently, I was doing laundry at the local laundromat, where I overheard a phone conversation between a new Grandmother and Great-Grandmother. Now, I only heard one side of the conversation but I imagine it sounded something like this:

"Yes, the baby is sleeping in the family bed."

"What? Well that simply won't do. Have you told her he needs to sleep in his own crib"

"Yes I have told her but she won't listen to reason. You know how she is. She says every time she puts him down he's crying and won't stop."

"He'll get used to it. Sometimes they just need to cry it out. It's dangerous and irresponsible to have the baby sleep in the same bed with her."

Now, I didn't say anything but I did feel like saying, "Actually no it's not. Get over your outdated parenting guidelines from 1932, read an updated article on the subject and leave your daughter alone for God's sake. It's her baby and her life and she's not purposely endangering the life of her child. She's not a monster!"

Here are some interesting facts: 

• Sleep-sharing, co-sleeping or whatever you might call it is practiced by families all over the world and is a growing trend.

• Co-sleeping can particularly enhance closeness between the father and the child because he simply doesn't have the physical connection that a nursing mother and her baby do.  

• Both, mother and child are more rested and get a better sleep. Who doesn't like the feeling of a warm body next to them when they go to bed? Even I, as an adult, feel a lot safer and more comfortable if I get to cuddle up to my partner at night. So how do you think your baby feels?

• Advocates of attachment-style parenting believe that children who co-sleep grow up more confident and independent because of the early nurturing co-sleeping provides.

• In Japan where co-sleeping and breastfeeding is the cultural norm, rates of the sudden infant death syndrome are the lowest in the world.

• Irrepressible (ancient) neurologically-based infant responses to maternal smells, movements and touch altogether reduce infant crying while positively regulating infant breathing, body temperature, absorption of calories, stress hormone levels, immune status, and oxygenation. In other words co-sleeping makes your baby happy! 

Of course there are pros and cons to everything and like I've said before, you can make co-sleeping safe or unsafe. But you can also make sleeping in their own crib unsafe by adding bumper pads, giving them heavy blankets or having them sleep with a million stuffed animals because you think they need the company. Some babies simply sleep better in their own crib and for some mothers bed-sharing might not work because the wriggling child beside them makes it impossible for them to sleep. Or they are waking up 20 times a night terrified they might have rolled onto the baby and killed it. If that's the case you definitely want to have your child sleep in their own crib because co-sleeping obviously doesn't make sense for you and is not beneficial to anyone. 

My point is, do whatever works for you, don't let anyone tell you what's wrong or right - unless they are professionals and know what they're talking about and let's face it, most people trying to stick their noses into your business are not - and trust yourself and your instincts. Having a baby is great and exciting and looking at their little faces makes you want to burst with happiness. But it is also terrifying, stressful and hard on both body and mind and if co-sleeping works for you, there is no need to make this exhausting time harder than it already is and kick your child out of the family bed just because your hairdresser gave you a disapproving look. 

When it comes to babies, things constantly change. When my son was starting to eat solids, I was told not to give him peanut butter until he was a year old. I'm going to a baby group with my kids and Mia has just started eating solids a few months ago and now they're saying to introduce peanut butter as early as 6 months because they have found that too many children are suffering from peanut allergies and are hoping the early exposure will change that. I could give you a million examples about all the things that have changed since having my son, but I think you're getting the point. You're the mother and you know best what is right for your child. I'm not saying don't listen to anyone. Some guidelines are there for a reason and make sense, and if your health care provider tells you not to do something you should probably listen. All I'm saying is don't let just anyone's opinion matter to you and only listen to those that are qualified to give them. Do what feels right and works best for you and your family, and trust yourself over others, who most likely don't even have children of their own. 

I'm very interested in your opinions and experiences and would love to know how your family sleeps! Don't hesitate to email me or leave me a comment and don't forget to subscribe so you won't miss a post.


P.S.: I'm happy to announce that my children's book that I am looking forward to self-publish by raising funds on a website called Kickstarter.com is currently 21 % funded, thanks to all the generous people who have backed my project thus far. I want to thank everybody for all the kind words, support, encouragement and donations since launching my project. We're on a roll guys. Let's keep going so I get to share this wonderful story with children all around the globe. If you're thinking about helping out you can donate at:

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