Patience is a virtue that doesn't come naturally to everyone. Tips and tricks about how to get through the low points of life gracefully and how to avoid a full-blown meltdown when patience is wearing thin

First off, I'd like to say that this is not a self-help blog and I'm not trying to fill the position of your self-help Guru. I'm simply trying to share some tips and tricks of getting through the ugly parts of life with your sanity intact and am trying to share my personal experiences, as is the point of a personal blog. So let's get to it.

 

As the days are growing shorter and darker, so does my temper and I'm quite certain I do suffer from a mild form of winter depression. I'm simply not as happy in the winter. I miss the sun on my face. I miss going out without having to dress the kids in 500 layers of clothing and I just get moody and depressed a lot easier than during the summer months. So no matter what kind of problems we're tackling at present, they seem a lot worse in the winter. One good thing about this cold and dreary season is that the weather allows Adrian to cut back on the workload, which in turn gives us a little more time to interact and talk. So the other night we had a power outage for several hours and as we were having a candle light dinner, munching on some burned pizza - I know romantic, right? - we were once again discussing our financial situation and the various future projects we'd like to tackle, preferably all at once. We talked and talked, trying to think about what needs doing first and how we would make it all work and by the end we were quite frustrated and truthfully, a little discouraged. Seems like anything we want to do goes hand in hand with something else we want to do, and we can't do one thing without first doing the other. Confusing? Let me make it a little clearer with a few examples, since I'm starting to confuse myself.

We need a nursery for Mia. She's currently still sleeping in our bedroom but seems to wake up every time somebody coughs, moves or farts and she doesn't sleep longer than 5 am. This is driving me nuts because I am only human, I do NEED sleep and it is my humble opinion that she would probably sleep a lot deeper and hopefully longer, were she to sleep in her own room. But if we turn our current bedroom into the nursery, where would the guests sleep? We do know a few people who are thinking of coming to visit next year - one of those is a family of four - and I do not want them sleeping on the pullout couch in the middle of our living room, where they would have to get up at 5am in the morning because my kids are running wild. Well, there is Sir Hendrix, but in order to make him livable, we'd have to invest a chunk of money as well. To resolve this issue, we'd have to insulate the sun-room and turn it into our master bedroom, which has been the plan all along. This way we could turn the current master bedroom into the nursery and we could keep the guest bedroom where it is.

Then there is the ongoing laundry issue. We currently have a brand new washer and dryer sitting in one of Adrian's parent's storage units - in great condition and perfectly functional - and yet I'm lugging two kids and baskets full of dirty laundry to the local laundromat, spending 40 bucks a week!!! simply because we have no space in our tiny home and don't know where to put them. The only way we could make it work is by renovating and rearranging the kitchen. We'd have to move our current entrance door, change the layout of the room and Adrian would have to build and add upper cabinets. But in order for him to do that, he'd need a place to work in. The issue with that is that workshops don't come cheap.

We also need to get a move on tearing out the ceilings in this place because they are disgusting. And I'm not talking about the visual aspect of it. I have made my peace with the fact that this house is not going to look great for a few more years. I'm talking about water damage and other gross stuff, I'd rather not get into. We also want to travel and see the world and have some fun with our family and GOD everything is just so frustrating when you don't know where to start. Can we not just win the lottery? Are we delusional? Are we setting ourselves up for disappointment by dreaming too big and setting unrealistic goals? I refuse to believe that. I believe there has got to be a way to have it all. We're not lazy people. We're working hard and think about our lives, trying to plan ahead and I believe you can make anything happen, if you have the right mindset. Sometimes I just wish somebody would come by and make a few decisions for us, because we don't seem to be very good at it. And sometimes I wish our debt would just magically disappear, so we can finally move on with our projects and live without that constant weight on our shoulders that is threatening to wear us down.

So whenever we feel like we've come to a point in our lives where nothing seems to move forward, we usually know it's time to sit down and brainstorm. Even if you don't come up with a solution to every single one of your problems, sometimes simply talking about it can get you some kind of relief and make you feel better. We usually do three things in addition to that.

• Make a budget - List all your expenses and see where exactly the money goes. Compare it to how much money you've got coming in each month and figure out where you still have some room to cut back on the spending and whether there is anything you don't really need but is merely a convenience.

• Make a list of priorities -talk about which issue is the most pressing and make sure you're on the same page and work towards the same goal, because sometimes you don't realize that something that is really important to you might not be that important to your better half and vice versa. Try to determine what really NEEDS immediate attention and what you would simply LIKE to get done but could do without for a little while longer.

• Plan ahead and have some patience - I'm not embarrassed to say that I've got a problem with being patient. I am simply not a patient person by nature. If I want something, I want it NOW and I've always been that way. I have yet to learn that good things take time. I have gotten a lot better over the years but sometimes Adrian does have to remind me, that we simply can't do something this instant just because I want it. In fact, every time I say, "But honey, I want it!" he starts singing 'You can't always get what you want' by The Rolling Stones which makes me want to smack him. Lucky for him, I try not to smack people on a regular basis. I have made some pretty dumb decisions in the past because I thought I'd have to have something right away and I have always shot myself in the foot by doing so. Everything I've done in my life that was fundamental and meaningful to me, has taken time, a lot of planning and patience and I think that's the way it should be. Otherwise you wouldn't appreciate what you have achieved and you would not be as proud of the outcome. It feels good to reach a goal when you have worked towards it for a while and I just need to remind myself of that whenever I get impatient and frustrated with a situation. 

Another thing that can be very helpful when you're in a funk is reminding yourself of the good things in your life. I do this quite a lot and it does work for me. I remind myself that despite the struggles we're facing as a one income family, we are incredibly fortunate in the big scheme of things. We own our own house and land. We always have a full fridge. We have two beautiful and healthy children. We have seen so much of this world already and have made incredible memories that no one can take from us. We have family that loves and supports us. Good friends. We have each other, which is not something you should take for granted. So many people out there spend their whole life not finding a loving partner they can share everything with, never knowing what it feels like to be with someone that supports and loves and understands you. We've got enough money to own a pet and even though he can be a BIG pain in the butt, we still love that little fella a lot. Life would be a lot less stressful and so much more relaxing without Rocky but how boring would that be? I mean, who doesn't want high blood pressure and who would I yell at all day? Probably the kids and that simply wouldn't do. Socially less acceptable, I suppose. A couple of weeks ago he went through a phase and ate three pairs of my panties and one of my socks which gave me the perfect excuse to go shopping again. The neighbors wouldn't call at six in the morning, asking me to call him home because he's being too excited while playing and is beating up their puppy, which would mean less social interaction. So I just want to take this opportunity to say thank you Rocky, for keeping our lives colorful and interesting.

Long story short. Whenever you're feeling frustrated, depressed or hopeless and you just don't know how to move on and get past this low point in your life, remind yourself that things have a way of falling into place when you least expect it. Keep working towards whatever it is you want to achieve and don't give up. Just like I've said in my post about Sir Hendrix's journey home, the things you work the hardest for will happen eventually. Stay positive and count your blessings. Also, try to find pleasure in the little things in life, like the smile of one of your children or a nice day with a friend you haven't seen in a while or a simple walk in nature. Sunday morning, for example, I was in a terrible mood. Mia was up at five am and I was tired and simply not feeling too great and that's ok. It happens, we're not machines after all. When Adrian got up we all went for a walk in the woods and we had so much fun. It was good to get out and breathe in some fresh air and I felt like a million bucks afterwards.  Here are some pictures of that little excursion.

We are also very grateful for the fact that we will be able to go on a three week long holiday this winter to visit the Grandparents down in Florida. It will be the first long stretch on the road with both our children AND the dog and will be a great test for whether or not we're cut out for this kind of life. Yes we have been there before and yes we would love to go and see other places but we can't afford that right now. So instead of moaning over how unfair it is that we can't go wherever we want to go, we are incredibly grateful for the fact that we get to go on vacation at all. We'll be seeing things on the way, get to spend some quality family time and get to be with the people we love for Christmas and best of all, it will be warm and sunny.

There are days, especially as a stay at home mother where you think you're going crazy and you don't know how much longer you'll be able to hold on to your sanity. I'll be quite honest with you, I feel like throwing myself on the floor sometimes and just cry for days on end. It can be tough and emotionally draining and the patience of a saint doesn't seem like enough when dealing with two young children on your own. So you need to find things you can do to calm yourself and avoid a meltdown. For me these things work best.

• Wear headphones and drown out the screaming - There are days when Mia is so fussy I can barely stand it and no matter what I do, she'll scream and scream and scream. I dare say there is not much that grates on your nerves more than a wailing baby and after a few hours of this, I can feel my control slipping. Now, before I do something I would later regret I simply wear headphones and start listening to music loud enough to drown her out. It won't make her stop, but nothing will when she's in a mood and you can still interact with her and take care of her. You simply won't be forced to listen to her hysteric wailing and if you look at a screaming baby, but can't actually hear it, it does look quite comical. It always lifts my spirits and still allows me to take care of my children without subsiding to hysterical screaming myself.

• Close your eyes and breathe - Sounds almost too simple to be true but it works. Just closing your eyes for a few seconds here and there and consciously breathe deeply will make a world of difference.

• Make sure your kids are safe (in a crib or strapped into a high chair) and simply remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes - I don't do this very often but if both children are having a bad day and have decided it would be fun to find out just how far they can push me before I'll lose my ever-loving mind, I will do what I have to in order not to hurt them and that includes stepping outside for a few minutes to collect myself. I won't go for a thirty minute walk or meet a friend for a cup of coffee while they're sitting in their highchairs, patiently waiting for my return, but I will leave the house and throw a stick for the dog for a couple of minutes before going back in to face them again. I will NOT let them see what they're doing to me! Don't let them see how much you're struggling. Children can smell your fear and they will NOT stop kicking when you're down. 

Wow, I just now realize that this is a lot to take in so I'll stop, because I know I could go on like that forever. I do hope that this will help some of you get through the more ugly parts of life with grace and will leave it at that. Keep breathing everyone and try not to strangle your children. They will come in handy once you're old and not in control of yourself or your bodily functions anymore. Oh, payback will taste ever so sweet.