Parenthood - Yay or nay???

A lot of people are struggling with whether or not they should have children. Personally, I never had any doubt. I always knew I was going to be a mom. I never once entertained the idea of remaining childless. When I thought about my future, I always saw at least a couple of kids, preferably a boy and a girl (like my brother and I), and that is exactly what I have. Are there more little ones on the horizon? We're not planning on it, but we're not totally opposed to it, either. After all, you shouldn't over-think or over-plan your life, and you simply don't know what the future might bring. But even though not having children was never an option for me, I do understand why some people are struggling to make up their minds, and why some are content and even happy with their decision not to have children at all.

Kids are a BIG commitment and a LOT of work. Once you have them, you simply can't return them. You have to make a lot of sacrifices in order to be a 'good' parent. In fact, when I became a mom, I hung my 'wants and needs' on a coat hanger and stuffed them in the back of the closet. Someday, once the kids are grown and old enough to live their own lives, I might get to take them out, blow the dust off and start using them again. For now, the back of the closet is where my 'wants and needs' will remain. Everything I do from the time I open my eyes (usually because someone is screaming bloody murder, or jumping on my face at 5:30 in the morning), till the time I put them down at night, I do for them. Every decision I make, is based on what is best for them. There is no me-time anymore. I can't remember the last time I slept in. And by sleeping in, I mean a solid 12+-hour-sleep without having to get up once to comfort a crying baby, or tossing and turning in the morning, because despite the hubby getting up so mommy could 'sleep in', I can still hear them crying and screaming out there, no matter how many pillows I pile on my head.

Taking a nice long shower, while performing a full body shave, maybe even some conditioner or a body scrub and putting on some nice smelling lotion? Uh-uh. Not in my house. I hop in the shower and if I'm lucky, I might get to shave my armpits after shampooing my hair in record-time, before one of them is yanking on the shower curtain and floods the bathroom. I don't even know what it's like to go to the bathroom without an audience anymore, and I used to be that kind of girl that left school early and went home to have a number 2, because I NEEDED my privacy or else nothing was happening. I don't have that problem anymore. The only problem I have now, is keeping Mia's hands out of the toilet bowl while I'm trying to do my business.

Being a parent is harder than I ever thought possible. I'm always tired, and some days I'm simply going through the motions because I'm just that exhausted. I've had more emotional meltdowns in the last three years than I've had my entire life. Sometimes, I just want to leave the house, sit in my car and scream until I get it all out. I catch myself dreaming about the times, before I had kids and about how easy and stress-free my life was. If I wanted to sleep till two in the afternoon on a Saturday, I could. If I wanted to stay in bed all day on a Sunday and just watch movies, I could. I used to be spontaneous, energetic, laid back and present at every party. Nowadays, I start to panic if it's past ten pm, no matter what day of the week, because I know I gotta be up at the crack of dawn and tackle another 14 hour shift with the kids, before I get to relax again. There is no 'oh-I-need-some-eggs-I'll-just-quickly-run-to-the-corner-store' anymore. Now, you have to dress two kids, lug them to the car, take them out again when you get to your destination, take them into the store with you, deal with a temper tantrum because they want candy and you just came for eggs, listen to them whine all the way home and carry your screaming and kicking bundles back into the house.

Everything, and I really mean everything you do, you do with an entourage, and everything you do takes up twice as much time. It's physically and emotionally challenging to never be alone and you rarely ever get to do what you want to do. I longingly stare at women sitting in hair salons, reading magazines, or people having uninterrupted conversations at Starbucks. I envy women who are able to shop for clothes on their own. They actually get to look at a bunch of items, before taking an armful into the change room, where they take as much time as they need to figure out whether or not they like what they see. I look at one item that catches my eye in passing, hold it up for inspection for about thirty seconds, before one of the kids starts getting impatient and I realize that it's much easier to just keep wearing the fifteen year-old sweater I'm wearing now.   

So why in the name of God, you might ask, would you want any children or even consider the possibility of having another one? I'll tell you why. Because, despite the stress, the puke and poop, the screaming and the constant demand of your attention and time; having a child is the greatest, most miraculous thing in the world. There is nobody that loves and needs you quite this much and this unconditionally. When they're little, you are their whole world. You're their hero. They worship the very ground you walk on, and in a way, it's kind of like having your very own little fan club. It doesn't matter how tired, stressed or annoyed I am, or even how many times I've heard it before; when I hear one of my kids giggle or laugh with joy, it's like the sun comes up and my heart wants to burst with emotion. It sounds super cheesy, believe me, I know. But there is simply no other way to describe what you're feeling, whenever your child smiles at you and those big, trusting puppy eyes light up. Or when those little arms wrap themselves around you and hug you tight. They smell so darn good, you want to bottle that stuff and keep it forever. And that moment when they tell you they love you for the very first time. Man, I can't even begin to describe how those three little words make you feel. Everything they do for the first time (first word, first tooth, first steps), just makes you feel so proud, it's almost embarrassing how excited you get.

I remember watching movies back before I had kids, and I always wondered about the people, who'd willingly and without hesitation give up their life to save a loved one. I remember feeling bad, because I wasn't sure I'd ever be brave or willing enough to trade my life for anyone, should it ever come to that. I was terrified of dying, and surviving and living was the single most important thing in my life. I've got two children now and I know, without a single doubt, that I'd give my life to save them in a heartbeat. I've loved people unconditionally before I had kids. I love my parents, my brother, my partner, my friends. But loving a child is a whole different kind of love. It's the purest kind of love. I didn't even know you could love someone like that, until I first held my tiny baby-boy in my arms and looked into his little, perfect face. They give you so much joy, laughter, and love, it would almost be a crime to miss out on that. I do not want to change anyone's mind with this post, if they're dead-set on not having kids. The truth is, some people are simply not cut out for parenthood and shouldn't have children anyways. But if you're thinking about whether or not to have a baby and you're trying to decide, by weighing the pros and cons, then let me tell you this: YES, being a parent is hard and if you're just a regular human being, like me, it's very likely that you will struggle. BUT! There's nothing like it, and when that doctor hands over that tiny newborn for you to hold, cuddle and protect, and your child opens its eyes for the first time and you connect, you'll instantly know that it's all totally worth it.

I'm interested to hear about your experiences. Are you a parent? Does it come naturally and easy to you, or are you struggling with it? Are you childless and want to keep it that way? If so, what are the reasons behind your decision? Don't hesitate to comment or email me and don't forget to like us on our 'Homesteading Gypsies Facebook Page'.